Succubus Shadows Chapter 24

Thisisnt possible, I say.I dont jockey, said papistical dryly. Looks jolly possible to me. only if Seths an author. These lovelys of magazines dont cargon to the highest degree people the likes of him.Hes so commonplace for you that you dont realize how famous he is. And, hey, if its a slow week, they credibly take punt what they can get. Sex sells and thats pretty sexy.I supposeed down at it again. It was pretty sexy. Theyd taken it when Id been lying on top of Seth, and the sarong had slipped bountiful that I was showing an awful lot of skin. Nausea rolled by dint of me.mayhap no maven will wait on this. Yet, tied(p) as the haggle unexp arrested my lips, I knew that was wishful thinking on my part. As Id severalize onward, this magazine was a favorite at the store, largely because of its stunnedrageously cockeyed articles. Someone, somewhere was going to see this picture. And while the articles might be fabrications, a photo like this which clearly showed our faces could hardly lie.I allow the magazine f exclusively to the floor. I cantI cant deal with this. non after everything else.Ro military man frowned, legitimate concern filling his features. I dont think he was golden ab knocked out(p) either the picture or Seths new resolve, exactly it had to be obvious that more than these bits of news were plaguing me.Georgina, what else is I held a hand up. not now. Tomorrow. Well talk tomorrow. Too a great deal too much has happened tonight. Eriks life slight eyeball flashed in my mind. It pick outs this seem like postal code.He hesitated, because nodded. Okay. You want to couch aside some duration for tomorrow night? I dont imagine a date. Just, I dont jazz. Get dinner, talk rough all this so it doesnt eat you up. I really am worried about you.I started to say he shouldnt worry, that Id be okay, but I backed off. I really didnt know if I was. Id like that, I said honestly. If my handicap control doesnt conflict, then sure. Ill tell you all about it. I stood up wearily. plainly now bed.He let me retreat to my bedroom, his heart in his eye. It made me feel worse, largely because of what a low priority his feelings were for me practiced now. Obviously, they were important to him, and I appreciated his ardor. And his feelings did have in mind something to me. There was something very benignant and comforting in his offer to breathe and in effect(p) talk. But in light of everything else going on? I couldnt allow myself to process boththing too deep with our relationship right now.Particularly when I had to face the gauntlet at the bookstore the following(a) day. Id had a number of past(a) quantify entering Emerald City where Id been met with curious and c everywheret forecasts. More often than not, it had been everyplace something ridiculous, and Id had no clue until later. Today, I knew exactly what was going on. There was no question that the damned magazine had gotten around.And the looks this time werent inquisitive or smug. They were accusatory. Disdainful. I couldnt face them. non yet. I hurried through the store as quickly as I could, seeking my office which I vowed not to leave for the rest of my shift. It was pretty hypocritical, considering my judgment on Seth avoiding his problems. completely, I didnt take a crap as much luck getting away from mine.Maddie was school term at my desk.I hadnt seen her in a week, not since shed come about to my condo. Id told her then she could have indefinite leave from work and hadnt beared to see her back anytime soon. Now she stopped me dead in my tracks.Her face was much calmer than I would have put uped. No, it was more than calm. It was take everyplace. Perfectly, eerily dumb. Like a sculpture. And when she looked up at me, it was like looking into the eyes of the dead. Cold. Emotionless. Nonetheless, I debar the door, fearing what was to come.I had a million theories, you know. Her voice was as flat as her exp ression. Never, ever did I consider this one. I mean, I wondered if in that respect could have been another woman. But I never thought itd be you.It took an impossibly long time for my lips to move. Noit wasnt that. It wasnt like that at all. Thats not why he did it. I couldnt determination and suddenly questioned my language. Wasnt that by which I meant, me exactly the reason hed left her? Maybe our beach interlude hadnt been the direct cause, but I had for certain been the catalyst.The magazine lay on my desk, open to the guilty page. She picked it up, studying it with a calculating look. So what then? You were vertical comforting him after the occurrence?Actuallywell, actually, yeah. That shot was taken afterward.It still sounded lame, and we both knew it. She threw the magazine down, and finally, the perception came to her face. What, and that makes it okay? she cried. You one of my best friends running off with my fianc? the day after he dumps me?It wasnt like that, I repeated. I went to find himto see if he was okay.And then you made sure he was okay? she demanded. Her words were sarcastic, but bust glittered in her eyes.NoI didnt expect anything like that to happen. And really, nothing much did happen. The thing is I took a deep breath. We apply to date. Before you guys were together. We never told anyone. Things endedwell, pretty much practiced originally you started going out. Like, almost the day onward.That caught her off guard. Her eyes went wide. What? You had a pastyou went out with my boyfriend and never told me? He never told me?We thought itd be easier.Easier? Easier? She pointed at the magazine again. You think perceive you guys back together in full color was easier?We arent back together, I said quickly. He didnt end things because he was duplicity Again, I had to admit the truth to myself. He hadnt been cheating on her when he broke the engagement, but wed slept together earlier in the relationship. I was as surprised a s you were. And I was worried. I told you, I went to find him, but we didnt sleep together. Then I left. Thats it.The tears were on her cheeks now. It wouldnt have mattered if you had slept together. You guys keeping that past from me you guys lying is worse. I consecrateed you I trusted both of you How could you do this? What kind of person does this to their friend?A damned soul, I thought. But I didnt say that. I didnt say anything.Maddie shot up from the desk, futilely trying to wipe away the tears that were still coming. Doug warned me once, you know. He said at that place was this way you guys incessantly looked at each other that made him wonder. I told him he was crazy. I told him he was imagining it that it was unsufferable. That you guys would never do that to me.Maddie, Im sorry She hurried to the door, pushing past me. Not as sorry as I am for putting my trust in you. For putting my trust in both of you. Im quitting. Right now. Dont expect to see me again. She jer ked the door open. I dont know how you can peppy with yourself. You cardinal deserve each otherThe door slammed loudly, rattling my ears. I stayed where I was, staring blankly at the desk, unable to move. Unable to think or react or do anything useful. I dont know how you can live with yourself. Me either.Boy, things are pretty screwed up for you.Carter materialized beside me, his angelic signature filling the room. refined as ratty as ceaselessly except for his hat he strolled casually to the desk and picked up the magazine. Thats a bully shot of you, though.Shut up, I said. The agony Id tried to keep locked up with Maddie began to burst out. Just shut up I cant handle your commentary right now, okay? Not with everything else. Certainly not with this I sank to the floor, leaning against the door and raking my hands through my hair. When I looked up at Carter, I expected one of his frosty smiles, but his face was all seriousness.I wasnt being sarcastic, he said. Things are s crewed up.I suddenly wished I had a cigarette. Yes. They certainly are. Eriks dead, you know.I know.I closed my eyes for a moment, allowing myself to feel the full grief over that. With so much going on, it didnt seem like Id really allowed any of these problems to have the full mourning they deserved. Someone, I accomplished, would have to do the halal things for Erik now. Did he have family somewhere? Dante of all people might know. Otherwise, I was voluntary to take on any funeral arrangements no matter the personify or work. I owed Erik that much. I owed him so much more.It wasnt a coincidence, I said softly. It couldnt have been. Jerome says it was some revenge from the Onerois masterbut I dont believe that. Erik had been trying to figure out my contract. Before he diedbefore he My voice caught as I recalled how I had been the one to take that last breath. He told me thither were two contracts. That it wasnt mine that was the problem. I dont know what that means.Carter st ill said nothing, but his eyes were fixed so intently on me that they might as well have been pinning me to the wall. But you know, dont you? I asked him. Youve always known. And Simone I frowned. Before Jerome sent her away, he mentioned something about her knowing Niphon and fucking up things even more. Thats a piece of all this too, isnt it?Carter still remained silent. I gave a harsh laugh.But, of course, you cant say anything. You cant do anything. Hells always got its hands in mortal affairs or even lesser immortal affairs but you guys? Nothing. How can you be a pierce for good in this area? You dont help bring it about You just wait and hope it happens on its own.Most of the good in this universe happens without any of our help, he said evasively.Oh good God. What a lovely decide from you. And you know what? I dont believe there is any good in this humanness. All this timeever since I sold my soul, Ive been clinging to this idea that there is something pure and decent out there. That there was something to give me hope that even if I was a lost cause, at least there was something smart as a whip and good in the ball. But there isnt. If there was, Seth wouldnt have move. Erik wouldnt have died. Andrea Mortensen wouldnt be dying.Good can still exist when poorly things happen, just as evil persists when good things happen.What good comes from Andrea dying? What good comes from leaving five little girls alone and motherless in the world? I was choking on my own sobs. If you if any of you could really hit the world, you wouldnt let that happen.I cant motley fate. Im not God. He was still so fucking calm that I wanted to punch him. Yet, what could I expect? Jerome had no attachment to humans, and at the end of the day, angels and demons werent so different.I hide my face in my hands. You cant change anything. None of us can change anything. Were resigned to our fates, just like Nyx showed.Humans change their fates all the time. Even lesser imm ortals do. It starts small, but it happens.I was suddenly tired. So, so tired. I shouldnt have come here today. I should never have left my bed. I no longer had the energy to argue with him or berate his frustratingly useless attitude. crowd out Seth change? I asked at last. Are good intentions enough to redeem a soul?All things are possible. And I dont mean that as a clich?, he added, no doubt seeing the lour on my face. Its true. Mortals and mortals-turned-immortals dont always believe that which is why Hell has such a foothold in the world. And Im not look that if you believe it, it will happen. Things dont always turn out for the best, but miracles are real, Georgina. Youve just got to lift yourself out of the muck to make them. Youve got to take the chance.Yes, I was definitely getting a cigarette after this. Carter probably had one on him. I gave him as much of a smile as I could muster. Easy for you to say. stack you make miracles?I try, he said. I try. Will you?And with that, he vanished before I could bum a cigarette.Fucking angels.But his words stayed with me when I went home that night, maybe because even as depressing as they seemed, they were still more cheerful than enduring that shift. My managerial mandates were still obeyed, but otherwise, I could see the seething disapproval and condemnation in the eyes of my colleagues. It was a startling reminder of my villages reaction when everyone had found out Id cheated on Kyriakos. Only this time, I had no way to blot it from these peoples minds. I had nothing more to bargain with Hell.At the condo, I found a note from Roman, saying hed be staying at the school for a while that evening to finish up some setup. If I wanted, though, hed be happy to take me out for dinner as hed promised. That gave me time to stretch out on the couch, seeing as I was still exhausted from the emotional miasma Id been walk through this last week. No sleep came, just a kind of bleak malaise as I stared at the ceiling. Probably just as well. God only knew what Id dream.Dream.I sighed. The man in the dream. It had been bugging me over and over in my subconscious, and without even mentioning it, Carter had somehow brought it back to the fore-front of my mind. The Oneroi had claimed Seth was the man in the dream. I told myself for the hundredth time that it was a ridiculous fantasy. I couldnt have any real relationship with a mortal. Seth had fallen from grace, and Id refused him. It was all impossible now.All things are possible.Erik and Mei had said it was impossible for Seth to find my soul across the vastness of the dream world yet he had.Kristin had told me my contract was airtight yet Erik had sworn there was a flaw somewhere. Hed died for that knowledge, I was certain.Seth had claimed nothing could bring him back to Seattle yet I had.Everyone who worked for Hell had told me darkened souls almost never redeemed themselves yet Seth was striving to regain my good opinion. He was as well as sacrificing what he loved his writing to help the family he loved more. Would that be enough? Could he be saved?All things are possible.I sat up from the couch, my gaze falling on the spot where Aubrey and Godiva slept next to each other. Godiva had come to me after Id dreamed her. The dream I still maintained was impossible.Miracles are real, Georgina. Youve just got to lift yourself out of the muck to make them. Youve got to take the chance.Could I? Would I? Was there a miracle somewhere in the muck of this despair, heartache, death, and betrayal? I couldnt see through it. I didnt know where to start. Carter had said change happened through small acts. All I had to do was pick something. Anything. Take the chance.Again, I focused on Godiva. The man in the dream. Maybe it was Seth. Maybe it wasnt. Maybe I could make it him. His love had been coarse enough to rescue me and then try to rescue himself. I realized now what had been bothering me. He was doing all of this how could I do any less? All my life, Id hidden from hard choices. Id always found some compromise to avoid bad things, the results of which never really turned out that great. If anything, theyd give way worse. My love for Seth was no less than his for me, but I hadnt been willing to do the things that might hurt.Hed told me there was no way the universe would let us stay apart. He was right and this time, I would be the one who made sure we came together again. I wouldnt abandon him.I was miserable toward the door, my coat and purse in hand, when Roman came home, carrying flowers. He took one look at me and offered a small bitter laugh that carried all the distress and resignation in the world. The bouquet sagged in his hands.Youre going to Seth.How did you know?Becausebecause youre shining. Because you look like youve found all the answers in the universe.I dont know about that, I said. But Ive found some kind of answer. Hes risked so much for me. We found each other across all the othe r souls in the world. I trailed off, feeling horrible. My decision about Seth burnt brightly in me, but Romans facethere seemed to be nothing in this world that didnt end up causing someone pain. I was wrong to abandon him. Especially now.Sounds like you better go to him, said Roman at last.Roman He shook his head. Go.I went.I hadnt been to Seths condo in so long, not in the flesh. Walking up to the door, a barrage of memories flooded me, particularly that first night Id stayed over when he had taken care of me.It wasnt that late, but when he opened the door, there was a scattered, mussed look to him that made me think hed been sleeping. Or maybe hed just been too consumed by writing to properly groom. It happened sometimes when he got caught up with the worlds in his mind.From the look on his face, it was clear he was in this world now. I dont think hed believed hed see me for a very long time. I wondered if I was still shining the way Roman had claimed I was because Seths eyes r egarded me with more than just surprise. There was wonder and awe there. Id only goaded across town, made one impulse decision to come here, but we might as well have been meeting across time and space again.Georgina, he breathed. What are you I didnt let him finish. I threw myself into his coat of arms and kissed him.And this time, I didnt pull back.